Over thinking

I can't tell you how weird I feel right now.

Everyone who sees the state my car was in tells me how lucky I am to be alive.

I can't take that thought in. If the car had hit the tree in any other way than what it did, I wouldn't be here. I don't know how to feel about that.

What am I supposed to say when someone tells me time and time again how lucky I am to be here. The situation could have ended in so many different ways, I'm so grateful it happened how it did but I just can't take in how lucky I actually am.

I don't know who to talk to about this without sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I just feel so sick when I think about how it could have ended.

Well my cars fucked

So today's been a crappy day.

I'll show you why:

Eurgh it was horrible. I'm not going to go on about it because thinking about it still upsets me, I've been told I was lucky to come out of it in one piece as if the car had hit the tree front on the engine would have crushed me and if I'd have hit it from the side the car would have been folded in half. So many 'what ifs' and I'm sure they're going to play on my mind for a good while, but I just need to count myself lucky that I didn't kill myself or anybody else, and just move on.

In quite alot of pain with my back and neck at the minute, but the paramedic said I havn't broke anything so It's just whiplash. Eurgh just so surreal. Was just a moment of complete panic as I realised I had no control of the car and I just had to wait and see where I ended up.

Just want to sleep now anyway, on some pretty strong pain killers so they're making me feel drowsy. Hopefully tomorrow the pains lessened and I can just move on from this.

Getting started

So, I'm well into my second year now and I'm starting to get used to the pressure of it all. It's so much more intense than the first year, which obviously I should have expected, I just didn't think it would be so much so soon, but yeah, getting on top of it now. Got a serious to do list going on!

Finally setlled on a sketchbook for the corset project! Wanted something a little bit different so I went on the paperchase website and found this:

I want to make some stencils and spray paint the front of it gold and add some sequins and finishing touches but I won't do that until near hand in time, as up into then it'll be following me around in my hand bag and will no doubt get a little beaten up!

I don't know why but this project intimidates me a little.. I think I just need to throw myself into it and not think about what I'm doing. I always do this though, I get given a project that excites me and I never know where to start. I'll let you know how I get on with it all anyway, I have the Dita Von Tease book to look through as she wears corsets similar to the style that'd suit the model I'm making mine for, and I have a book on fabric manipulation to go through and hopefully become inspired by, we'll see how I get on with it, I always change my mind.

Worked out we have 9 projects to have done before Christmas, so I think now is a good time to say goodbye to my social life and hello to late nights and red bulls! Love the chaos of it all, the stress makes me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life, rather than sitting in every day, doing the same thing day in, day out. And it's always worth it in the end. Can't wait to do the corset/basque presentations, that day will creep up on me really quickly!

I'll be updating this often anyway, no doubt ranting or stressing about something! And the posts will mainly consist of Contour, or, my weight loss progress. I won't go into to much detail about that right about now, but I've lost 18 pounds in the last 2 months, so I'm well on my way to reaching my goal, it's just taking longer than I'd have liked. I just want to be happy with how I look again. Gets a bit much when getting dressed every day is a battle.

We'll see.